Thank Goodness it's the weekend! it has been a pretty frustrating week really- Essays etc for GCSE keep piling up and people are really starting to struggle to cope- although to be honest, the past few weeks our teachers have been laying it on thick- none of us have had proper praise for 2 weeks, it is like they are predetermining to have a go at us... But hey, what do they know? :)
In retrospect, there are a few other memories from being much younger which I believe provide provide evidence to others (I know who I am, and I am finally comfortable with it, although It will take some time for me to be able to actually become my true self... No progress has been made at home, so I will likely have to wait until I am legally classed as an adult until I can become myself) in order to... find acceptance perhaps among them. I remember distinctly when I was in infants school, so around 6/7 that I had to stay down the road at an old friends house for a few hours in the morning until we could leave for school. He was a lad, an only child, but he had his own play room, full of wonderful stuff- he had old dresses, which were styled as Roman/Greek togas etc- I used to put them on whenever he left the room, and he also had a mask, from a theatre production of some kind- which I used to point, and strut about in, until he came back... when we be boring Greeks & Romans :(
There was also the time where my grandmother and I played a game of scrabble at the age of 6, and I goaded her into doing forfeits... I ended up dressed in a skirt, but that was as far as it went unfortunately. Of course, at that age I just knew that I felt comfortable in female clothing, and much happier too. I missed a golden opportunity when I was 10-11- I actually approached Mum and said that I wanted to be a girl. She said that I could try it for a day, that weekend. I was really looking forward to it, but then I chickened out, I was always a bit shy back then.Looking back, that could have been the best moment of my life- but I missed it. I am kicking myself while thinking of this. What an idiot!
I have decided on some tights (perhaps stockings), a skirt, and a feminine top of some description, perhaps some lingerie too, just to start off. I can't wait! It will take practice to get my make-up skills looking anyway near acceptable, not helped by my definitely boyish face, also, having eaten less and played sport a lot more recently, I have the beginnings of a six pack... Which has stuffed things up somewhat! I wasn't exactly intending on the butch lesbian look! :) I can't stop playing sport either- I am a registered cricket coach and play on hell of a lot of it. Girls play cricket too, right? I did manage to get a pink cricket bat though!
Billie x
Saturday 29 January 2011
Tuesday 25 January 2011
The Bullring
I never realised that New St station in Birmingham led you into the Bull Ring!
There were so many shops.... So many gorgeous clothes (and women too!)... There was even a wig stand thing!
If you live in the Midlands, this is the place to go, it is simply amazing! They has some simply fab dresses and some decidedly cheeky underwear :P... Not to mention the Ann Summers 'No Soft Toys Allowed' advert which made me giggle for a while. :) Train Tickets were dead cheap too, so I will be back to buy some clothes. Some of the dresses were amazingly pretty... If only I had a decent bust! But that could change, with the help of breast forms etc.
On another note, Mum has started being more supportive again! Apparently she has a load of stuff that should fit me somewhere from her slightly younger days, so I am really happy :)
Billie
X
There were so many shops.... So many gorgeous clothes (and women too!)... There was even a wig stand thing!
If you live in the Midlands, this is the place to go, it is simply amazing! They has some simply fab dresses and some decidedly cheeky underwear :P... Not to mention the Ann Summers 'No Soft Toys Allowed' advert which made me giggle for a while. :) Train Tickets were dead cheap too, so I will be back to buy some clothes. Some of the dresses were amazingly pretty... If only I had a decent bust! But that could change, with the help of breast forms etc.
On another note, Mum has started being more supportive again! Apparently she has a load of stuff that should fit me somewhere from her slightly younger days, so I am really happy :)
Billie
X
Monday 24 January 2011
Sexuality
A common misconception I have found is that Transgendered people are automatically gay, or 'fags' as they are often called. However, this is certainly not the case. Sexuality and Gender are two completely different things. As Chaz Bono once famously stated, 'Gender is between your ears, not between your legs'. This is possibly the best explanation possibly given.
Personally, I dislike men. I have no idea why, but that is just who I am. Of course, some chaps are all right as acquaintances, but I absolutely loathe the Gung-ho blokes, and, as rule, would never be homosexual. I despise my male body organs and myself. I am still interested in Women, just not as I am now... I will remain celibate until I am ready to be myself! This makes me a Lesbian or something... I get two letters on the GLBT section :)... But, to be honest, you should not care about what other people think. If you are Gay, that's fine. Straight, that's fine. Lesbian, Thats also fine! There is nothing wrong with being different, despite what people will undoubtedly tell you. People who string Bible quotes together are obviously heavily influenced by the scriptures etc, however, that does not mean you have to be the same- I would rather live one day as my true self than one hundred years in the closet!
Night Everybody, Stay safe...
Knowledge is confidence.
Just remember that!
Ps. I am through with my depression- I am going to see a doctor next week perhaps alone. I constantly feel like I am on the precipice of a huge cliff, teetering on the edge, just waiting for something to upset my balance.
I fear that my little bit of cliff is crumbling, and that I will succumb to the civil war that is enveloping me. So I'm going for help. Wish me luck.
Personally, I dislike men. I have no idea why, but that is just who I am. Of course, some chaps are all right as acquaintances, but I absolutely loathe the Gung-ho blokes, and, as rule, would never be homosexual. I despise my male body organs and myself. I am still interested in Women, just not as I am now... I will remain celibate until I am ready to be myself! This makes me a Lesbian or something... I get two letters on the GLBT section :)... But, to be honest, you should not care about what other people think. If you are Gay, that's fine. Straight, that's fine. Lesbian, Thats also fine! There is nothing wrong with being different, despite what people will undoubtedly tell you. People who string Bible quotes together are obviously heavily influenced by the scriptures etc, however, that does not mean you have to be the same- I would rather live one day as my true self than one hundred years in the closet!
Night Everybody, Stay safe...
Knowledge is confidence.
Just remember that!
Ps. I am through with my depression- I am going to see a doctor next week perhaps alone. I constantly feel like I am on the precipice of a huge cliff, teetering on the edge, just waiting for something to upset my balance.
I fear that my little bit of cliff is crumbling, and that I will succumb to the civil war that is enveloping me. So I'm going for help. Wish me luck.
Sunday 23 January 2011
Useful Sites For Any Trans Person
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A few things I forgot to mention.
Hello Again!
Generally, there are 3 routes available for Trans people.A) Forget all about, hope you don't remember it, and then be sad in later years when you realise that you made the wrong decision.
B) HRT: Hormone therapy. This will enhance your feminine features, such as bust, hip and derrière, but will not change your voice. This usually requires a large amount of counselling sessions or something similar. Personally, I will be looking to do this in the future.
C) Gender Reassignment Surgery. This truly is remarkable- it is fascinating, although can be expensive and will require a lot of counselling etc to get it. It is the extremest option out there, although it will leave you as a complete woman, with a fully receptive...area etc...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxEude6BN10 Here is a video of the operation. WARNING: DEFINITELY NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH!!! It really is remarkable surgery! Personally, I have looked into this, but I fear that HRT may be my limitation, I have no idea why though!
Whatever you choose, please make a well-informed decision. All of these are not something you can opt for overnight, they will take time and meticulous planning.
Whichever you opt for, I sincerely hope it works out for you. Good Luck!
Hey!
Hello Folks!
I am only 15 years old, and live in a rural area of the UK. I have known about my gender issues for years, but I have never been willing to tell anyone about them, that is, until now.
Basically, I was born a male, but I generally believe that a genetic error occurred at during fertilization or something, for I see myself as a girl. This is quite a big step for me, as there are many things that I feel I need to say that I cannot tell my 'friends'.
If you are new to all of this, there is something called the 'Benjamin Scale', which attempts to determine your gender/sexual orientation via certain criteria. It is used to try and establish the difference between being Transsexual, Transvestic etc. However, you must be aware that this will never be clear cut, the lines are often blurry when 'diagnosing' yourself. I fall into type 4 on this scale, however, I also have tendencies from type 6 etc.
I have found that it is near impossible around my age to be your true self. I am lucky in that I go to a small school, but even there, there are certain people who would make life a misery if I were to reveal to them my true self. I have already been bullied badly once, It is something I certainly do not need again- nor does anyone. No-one should have to experience bullying, but it happens. It appears to be a fact ion today's society.
I believe that having Gender Issues at his age is one of the hardest things anyone can go through, because Society will likely never accept us.
I don't know how, but I knew from around the age of 8, that I was not normal. I had a fascination with girl's clothes, and women in general. I longed to be one. I distinctly remember walking into the Girls's changing area at junior school because I knew myself and knew that I posed the girl's no risk. However, this girls's didn't know that, and the teacher chucked me out immediately. I was only after my shoes (The girls changing room was also our locker room)! Then there was the time when I used to Crossdress a little, but my mother caught me, and shouted the house down at me. This stopped me for a while, but I knew that there was something deeper. At my current age, It all made sense. My friends introduced me to Porn and other ghastly components of the internet. However, upon watching it for a while, I realised that I was not enjoying it in the normal sense.. I wanted to be the woman, if you get my drift. As a rule I dislike/hate men- I'm not gay, I'm anything but, although I have no qualms with any member of LGBT rainbow. But the woman- I didn't want her, I wanted to be her. I surmised that I was a transgendered Lesbian or something similar. Yes, I know I am more than slightly screwed up.
After 6 years of hiding everything, it all became too much for me. I became really depressed last month and was ready to end it all, however, Mother's have a knack at realising something was up.We had an hour long family discussion, but I could not find it in me to reveal what was up- I just couldn't.On the other hand, the conversation stopped me from topping myself, which I guess is a good thing!
Then I saw an opportunity open up. We had to create a music video at school for media studies. I then realised that there was no chance of getting completely dressed up for it, however, the song we ended up with featured the potential theme of a one night stand. I decided to try and get some Red female underwear for it. I have a friend who helped me out in this department (she was later to become the closest friend I have had ever- I know I my not be to her, but she certainly is to me!), who lent me some (unworn) Red, lacy underwear. She told me that I could do whatever we needed to do with them, provided it was not 'dirty'. I like to see myself as a decent Guy/Girl and would honestly never dream of doing such a thing! I decided to try them on... I guess this was the recent catalyst which sparked my whole gender identity thing all over again... I got her approval to do this, and they fit perfectly. I wanted to go one step further though, I 'came out' to her via texting. It was horrible, hard and I was really nervous, but I did it, and she has been extremely understanding and helpful to date. She literally is a lifesaver, I 'cannot stress enough' as our French teacher would say, how indebted I am to her and grateful I am.
I also came out to my mother, after bullying myself to do it. However, she did not seem to really accept it, and the overall vibe I am getting from her is that I am too young to think like this etc. This is a shame, but I know who I am, not her. In order to feel as feminine as I can during school days etc, I have shaved my legs... They feel amazing, I recommend this to any cross dresser/effeminate person!
I am taking a huge jump next week though. I am going to go out, and buy my own stuff. make-up, lingerie, skirts, tights, dresses... I don't really care what I anyone thinks about me. I just know who I am, and I fully intend to be that person in the future. You have a right to be yourself, and no-one can take that away from you.
Knowledge Is Confidence.
Billie x
I am only 15 years old, and live in a rural area of the UK. I have known about my gender issues for years, but I have never been willing to tell anyone about them, that is, until now.
Basically, I was born a male, but I generally believe that a genetic error occurred at during fertilization or something, for I see myself as a girl. This is quite a big step for me, as there are many things that I feel I need to say that I cannot tell my 'friends'.
If you are new to all of this, there is something called the 'Benjamin Scale', which attempts to determine your gender/sexual orientation via certain criteria. It is used to try and establish the difference between being Transsexual, Transvestic etc. However, you must be aware that this will never be clear cut, the lines are often blurry when 'diagnosing' yourself. I fall into type 4 on this scale, however, I also have tendencies from type 6 etc.
I have found that it is near impossible around my age to be your true self. I am lucky in that I go to a small school, but even there, there are certain people who would make life a misery if I were to reveal to them my true self. I have already been bullied badly once, It is something I certainly do not need again- nor does anyone. No-one should have to experience bullying, but it happens. It appears to be a fact ion today's society.
I believe that having Gender Issues at his age is one of the hardest things anyone can go through, because Society will likely never accept us.
I don't know how, but I knew from around the age of 8, that I was not normal. I had a fascination with girl's clothes, and women in general. I longed to be one. I distinctly remember walking into the Girls's changing area at junior school because I knew myself and knew that I posed the girl's no risk. However, this girls's didn't know that, and the teacher chucked me out immediately. I was only after my shoes (The girls changing room was also our locker room)! Then there was the time when I used to Crossdress a little, but my mother caught me, and shouted the house down at me. This stopped me for a while, but I knew that there was something deeper. At my current age, It all made sense. My friends introduced me to Porn and other ghastly components of the internet. However, upon watching it for a while, I realised that I was not enjoying it in the normal sense.. I wanted to be the woman, if you get my drift. As a rule I dislike/hate men- I'm not gay, I'm anything but, although I have no qualms with any member of LGBT rainbow. But the woman- I didn't want her, I wanted to be her. I surmised that I was a transgendered Lesbian or something similar. Yes, I know I am more than slightly screwed up.
After 6 years of hiding everything, it all became too much for me. I became really depressed last month and was ready to end it all, however, Mother's have a knack at realising something was up.We had an hour long family discussion, but I could not find it in me to reveal what was up- I just couldn't.On the other hand, the conversation stopped me from topping myself, which I guess is a good thing!
Then I saw an opportunity open up. We had to create a music video at school for media studies. I then realised that there was no chance of getting completely dressed up for it, however, the song we ended up with featured the potential theme of a one night stand. I decided to try and get some Red female underwear for it. I have a friend who helped me out in this department (she was later to become the closest friend I have had ever- I know I my not be to her, but she certainly is to me!), who lent me some (unworn) Red, lacy underwear. She told me that I could do whatever we needed to do with them, provided it was not 'dirty'. I like to see myself as a decent Guy/Girl and would honestly never dream of doing such a thing! I decided to try them on... I guess this was the recent catalyst which sparked my whole gender identity thing all over again... I got her approval to do this, and they fit perfectly. I wanted to go one step further though, I 'came out' to her via texting. It was horrible, hard and I was really nervous, but I did it, and she has been extremely understanding and helpful to date. She literally is a lifesaver, I 'cannot stress enough' as our French teacher would say, how indebted I am to her and grateful I am.
I also came out to my mother, after bullying myself to do it. However, she did not seem to really accept it, and the overall vibe I am getting from her is that I am too young to think like this etc. This is a shame, but I know who I am, not her. In order to feel as feminine as I can during school days etc, I have shaved my legs... They feel amazing, I recommend this to any cross dresser/effeminate person!
I am taking a huge jump next week though. I am going to go out, and buy my own stuff. make-up, lingerie, skirts, tights, dresses... I don't really care what I anyone thinks about me. I just know who I am, and I fully intend to be that person in the future. You have a right to be yourself, and no-one can take that away from you.
Knowledge Is Confidence.
Billie x
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