Wow. The first few weeks of sixth form have been a bit of a bumpy ride, to say the least! The first two weeks were great; I've made loads of new friends, became reacquainted with a few old friends, and even made a lot of Girl friends, so that has been great. The work at A-Level is nowhere near as hard as I had anticipated yet- English Language is relatively 'hard' because it is new, completely different from GCSEs. Geography and History, on the other hand, are relatively easy. So far it has just been adding to knowledge I already had, or at least the new stuff is intetesting. There is a lot of essays mind, but hey- practice makes perfect! Psychology, however, is really, really strange. I honestly swear that the work in Psychology is of an apparent low quality, but that is all that is required it seems at the moment. I know that some took Psych as a 'doss', but having taking it with a view to potentially study it at Uni, the work seems almost childish compared to the standard required in History, for example. Food for thought. I almost wish I had taken Politics or even (gasp) Economics!
The past two weeks could be described as a 'hazing' of sorts I suppose. People have been testing how I react to certain comments, mostly around the Gay area- At the end of the day, despite the slightly masculine act I have to put on at school, it really doesn't affect me, as only I know how stupid they are being- that sort off stuff doesn't wind me up. To be honest 'You have a feminine voice'- Yeah, your point is? Haha :) Not that I said that really...
One thing I really, really miss is being able to be femme for a while at home every now and again, but now Dad's business has expanded slightly, so there are constantly people trapsing past my bedroom, which is extremely unnerving when applying mascara, it has to be said!
Dad has also said that If I want to sell my airsoft gear, I have to use it more- despite having bought it myself. I've been a few times recently to achieve this with a male friend, and then proceeded to tear a quadracrep, pull my hamstring and have potentially slightly fractured something above the knee, but I doubt that somehow, despite the initial plaster cast by the ever caring NHS. :) I want to sell it to fund clothes and things! Of course, if I so much exclaim a word in protestation I get in trouble for answering back- It is apparently impossible to explain something to my parents, or indeed speak to them anymore, without an argument breaking out over something! Mum also makes all these little nasty comments about my Trans-ness, which are most unhelpful and sometimes humiliating. Life goes on.
I miss three teachers from my old school a lot- it could be said that after a while at my old school, you took the close student-teacher relationship for granted, something that is very different here. My old Geography teacher never knew about me, but she was a wonderful person and a genuinely enthusiastic, great teacher. I have never seen anyone so excited about Volcanic eruptions since!
My French teacher was also superb- how on earth she managed to get me an A in French I will never know. She was really supportive, and knew almost everything... I tried to deny my sexuality, but hey, that didn't last long :). The best languages teacher I've ever had, by a country mile, and easily one of the most caring.
My History/English/Media/PSHE teacher was another inspiration. Her words of kindness and clear judgment have guided me through some fairly dark times, to say the least. I hope to keep in contact with them for a long time in the future- IfI remember correctly, just after the end of year 12 :) Unfortunately, the group she suggested I get in touch with is headed by a glaswegian whom I can barely understand, let alone talk about Trans issues with.
In conrast, The teachers at my new school sit back and make you work from a textbook, apart from the female Geography and History teachers funnily enough.
ANYWAY, plans are afoot! Me and an old friend are going to go shopping in Milton Keynes... And a sleepover hopefully :) I just want to go all out for the first time in ages, all the way, from make-up to dresses to shaved legs etc and probably watch Mean Girls or a similar chick flick. It will be great fun! :)
I sort of know where to go from this point as well, I'm going to get in touch with Mermaids, and see what they can do for me, and in turn, what I can do for them. I fancy running a marathon, and that would give me a reason to (just don't mention the amount of Subways I've consumed recently! They are sooooo good but so damn unhealthy!)
I am having the best times of my life at the moment- I have a social life again, admittedly not as Billie, but hey. All in good time. Then again, I still have that chronic disyrust of boys... I suppose I'm almost a 'man' now, a thoroughly depressing thought.
But that, could be another story ;)
Billie
Xxx
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