Thank Goodness it's the weekend! it has been a pretty frustrating week really- Essays etc for GCSE keep piling up and people are really starting to struggle to cope- although to be honest, the past few weeks our teachers have been laying it on thick- none of us have had proper praise for 2 weeks, it is like they are predetermining to have a go at us... But hey, what do they know? :)
In retrospect, there are a few other memories from being much younger which I believe provide provide evidence to others (I know who I am, and I am finally comfortable with it, although It will take some time for me to be able to actually become my true self... No progress has been made at home, so I will likely have to wait until I am legally classed as an adult until I can become myself) in order to... find acceptance perhaps among them. I remember distinctly when I was in infants school, so around 6/7 that I had to stay down the road at an old friends house for a few hours in the morning until we could leave for school. He was a lad, an only child, but he had his own play room, full of wonderful stuff- he had old dresses, which were styled as Roman/Greek togas etc- I used to put them on whenever he left the room, and he also had a mask, from a theatre production of some kind- which I used to point, and strut about in, until he came back... when we be boring Greeks & Romans :(
There was also the time where my grandmother and I played a game of scrabble at the age of 6, and I goaded her into doing forfeits... I ended up dressed in a skirt, but that was as far as it went unfortunately. Of course, at that age I just knew that I felt comfortable in female clothing, and much happier too. I missed a golden opportunity when I was 10-11- I actually approached Mum and said that I wanted to be a girl. She said that I could try it for a day, that weekend. I was really looking forward to it, but then I chickened out, I was always a bit shy back then.Looking back, that could have been the best moment of my life- but I missed it. I am kicking myself while thinking of this. What an idiot!
I have decided on some tights (perhaps stockings), a skirt, and a feminine top of some description, perhaps some lingerie too, just to start off. I can't wait! It will take practice to get my make-up skills looking anyway near acceptable, not helped by my definitely boyish face, also, having eaten less and played sport a lot more recently, I have the beginnings of a six pack... Which has stuffed things up somewhat! I wasn't exactly intending on the butch lesbian look! :) I can't stop playing sport either- I am a registered cricket coach and play on hell of a lot of it. Girls play cricket too, right? I did manage to get a pink cricket bat though!
Billie x
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